The title may sound depressing, which oddly enough wasn’t intentional although I am talking about depression.
I started thinking about those of us who never truly “get over” our depression. Those of us who have chronic depression. Sometimes people can’t just write their depression off and decide to be happy. It’s much more than that. Its a chemical imbalance. I often ask people who are critical of those who suffer with depression “if it were easy enough to be happy why would anyone be depressed?” This isn’t a choice or a moral flaw it is a mental illness.
Let me take away some of this shame for you. Deposit it here. I know what it feels like to not tell anyone whats REALLY going on behind closed doors. I have been the one who practiced smiling while crying so I could look happy at the drop of a dime. You don’t have to be ashamed. If I am not ashamed of my lupus, why would I be ashamed of my depression? This has been an ongoing struggle for majority of my 21 years on earth. I go through phases where I am happier than others but sometimes I feel deep depressive states too…The kinds that keeps you bent over in pain and wondering why you? Questioning why something so God awful would be the plight you were given?
There really are no finite answers to those questions. I have felt guilty plenty of times for being depressed. There is hope though. I really mean it. There is hope in the hopelessness that consumes you and light in the darkness that harrows over you. You have a purpose. You can have a good life despite your struggles with clinical/chronic depression. I am living proof of that sentiment.